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I wish women as mothers, wives, partners, sisters,
and daughters to understand that much of my
professional work and focus is with men, because
contrary to what men believe, men benefit the
most from therapy and performance related work.

Men posture in front of others in thousands of
ways, either in trying to appear powerful in
seeking approval or keeping them away so others
cannot help or hurt them. Always willing to fight,
never backing down or admitting weakness or
the need for help, men act tough and hard to
cover deeper feelings of insecurity and inadequacy.
Obsessed with size and status, from the size of
salary to the size of trucks, from muscle cars to
muscular golf shots, men never learn to give
themselves permission to accept themselves, as
human beings first, men second. But ladies, one
comes before two, thus we are boys first, men
second; our development occurs in sequence. If
you do not honor boy feelings, you stay stuck
there, as a boy inside, looking man like outside but
forever posturing in ways to cover what is really
felt inside. Therapy can help to restore a man's
development to get the boy on track to becoming
and feeling more of a man, and when that happens,
the sought after but deeper and quiet, internal
confidence develops; but feelings of confidence
have to be earned. And these feelings can grow
when the natural conditions for growth are met.

It is strange in a funny way how men all wish to
feel confident and strong and powerful, with the
emphasis on FEEL, but they so wish to dismiss other
feelings about themselves and others as well. The
great secret is that to feel better and good about
yourself, you have to learn to feel bad as two halves
make a whole, and as your emotional system grows,
all feelings of self grow, in concert, as one unit; this is
why clients can feel bad and even worse when they
begin therapy. Thus, in my work, men are taught the
value and experience of a helping conversation as a
function of getting their emotional needs met, but
they have to give themselves permission to receive
help first. If pain could talk, that is what it would say:
that it is ok to ask and receive help. For men, half of
generating solutions and achieving personal growth
and confidence is redefining their problems. I can
help men do that.

 

 
 

 

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David K. Cox, Ph.D., LMHC
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